Things have settled

At 7 weeks I completed my milk supply.

I crushed out some milk for donation.

I donated some of my milk to a local mom Fostering a baby. It was not much, but better than nothing. I wanted to be done pumping this time , as quickly as possible. I did not want to fight with timings, pumps, sleepless nights ….I had enough of those. So this is where I stopped. Now my boobs are squishy again. 🙊

So of course, with decreasing your supply comes this crazed stage of ” I will do anything to make it stop ” hence me shoving cold packs in my bra.

Oh that ? No no….thsts not a boob leaking. No no. That’s a nipple cream stain. Ffs. On a few shirts. Oh fun….look my belly sits on the counter too. Just noticed that. That’s great . * eye roll *

So I have been crafting away. Getting my belly bowl finished and my wall of pride. That’s what I call it. I’m proud of the 2 journeys I completed. I want to share them. They are a big part of me now. Now I removed baby S’ full name. But it’s there. This is,my belly bowl. My little …not so little drama bean belly cast.

My wall is officially put together . I blacked out the names, but you still get the idea.

I have officially started to take care of myself. I joined a weight loss challenge for the month of January. So I am back pushing my BeachBody and eating WAY better then I was. I have more weight to shed after this pregnancy. I have never been the girl who walks out of the hospital in ‘pre-baby’ clothing.

Sure I am on the smaller side BEFORE pregnancy, that has nothing to do with after. I find people are shocked when I say ” I have 20lbs to shed” .

Seriously. That’s my pre-baby weight. I’m holding it all in my boobs, my back, my belly …ugh. my belly. Its SO WEIRD. Its… like… flabby. Like ..it jiggles… I have never had that before ! A little fat and STRETCHED skin will do that I guess. You know…carrying around a bigger baby this time!

I have been told,or….humored that it will, eventually tighten up.

So what’s a girl to do?

Why LATHER HERSELF IN BODY FIRMING CREAM!

What? Don’t you? Listen…I need all the help I can get. I’m…wishful.

Meet my morning & night time friend. PALMER.

I lather it on my belly, my ass, my boobs ! I would lather it on my big toe if I felt it needed help. I am being optimistic.

Because…. Bob and Earl ARE BACK.

You remember them from the first journey? Yea…. they are back to say hi again. So weird where fat sits. Like ..giving you wings on you back. Wtf is that about?! Furthest thing from Victoria styled wings I tell ya.

So here I am in my sweaty glory … I find the weight removing ….going slow.

Maybe it’s my age … maybe its winter and my body wants extra warmth HA!

I have been modifying..the modified core workouts. I’m not only smuggiling weight , I’m also taking longer to heal on the inside. So I wanna take things nice and slow and not ruin my body .

My scar is looking pretty good though!

I know this is a fear for alot of us. Especially if you never had a c-section. You are left with a mark forever. Hopefully you had a good doctor and a decent c-section that allowed for some time in stitching you back together.

4.5 days after … not bad right ? A little red, bruised…

Nov 24th. 1 month 1 wk post .

I had to lift my belly to see my incision in the mirror. Yep a few straggly hairs. It happens. 

11 wks PP

So I hope my scar does not look too scary to someone who has never had one or is about to for their first c-section. I’m still lifting up belly as this was my second …and well… c-section 2/ pregnancy 3 was not kind to my body. I’m curious how my body will go back together once I’m fully healed:)

If you are wondering about baby S….

She is doing amazing. Yes I get photos, videos and conversation with her daddies still ❤

I got to see their first christmas photo as a family, it’s super sweet by the way!

I get to watch videos of her chatting and kicking her very active feet …still HA. They are doing amazing. Loving life and finding their routine as a new family.

I hope to visit them in the near future and to do a visit to my first surro family too.

I’m grateful surrogacy has taken me on such a magical journey. A happy ending to both. And 2 families I get to watch grow.

For now, I will work on myself, and our new project as a family;)

Keep posted to find out what our next adventure is! ❤

Much love , Court the Stork ❤

After they go home

Saturday November 9th, they left.

Even that sentence hurts to type out.

I knew what was going to happen. I have been down this road before. Almost years prior. It is a strange feeling. Only this time, I was a little more prepared.

This time I teared up after I gave them their journey book I made. A memory of our story. So Baby S will always know her story, before it even began. Everything from e-mails, to celebratory texts, milestones, photos.. it was all in there. Even a letter to the Dad’s and one to baby. ( that they still have yet to open and read)

I cried for a moment.

Because, my journey, was ending. Everything we have worked towards, accomplished, made happen… is ending. It’s the end of our journey. And I was going to start mourning this. Not a loss, but closing this chapter of my life. It’s a big chapter to close. For many reasons.

They were about to embark on the beginning of theirs . I was/am happy for them. To finally have this stage of their life begin, is amazing. I was excited for Baby S to finally go home and meet all those faces who have been awaiting her arrival. So much happiness was waiting for her back home.

But I was being left, weeks after bringing this little girl into the world, a little broken, a little .. well.. a lot hormonal and knowing that the next few weeks are going to be the hardest. I knew my emotions were waiting to consume me.

And though I am ok with this stage, as for me, its expected. The hormone crash. The high you ride after birth, the elevated emotions of happiness after giving a family their baby.. it all comes crashing down.

Its hard to explain. As I am still sorting through these emotions. Some days I am perfectly fine. Other days I step in the shower, the water hits my back and I am in tears for no reason.

” now what?”

” I am no longer a surrogate”

” What is my title now?”

I have entered that weird, awkward, emotional stage.

It is usually accompanied by silence. Home alone. No one to talk to. No one to really understand what its like sitting there, pumping milk that your body produces for a baby that is not here. The scar you are left with that is healing on your body. My own son never left a scar. But both of these journeys have physically left scars on my body. Have changed the way I look at my own body. Have even made me hate my own body. Which is hard to say. But I do learn to love my body again. It takes time. But I do get there.

I feel most people in my life do not know how to approach surrogacy after it is over. So they tend to just avoid me. Which is the hardest thing for me. As i am here coping alone.

I get it. Surrogacy is not super popular. And there is no book on ” how to handle your friend after they give birth to a baby that is not theirs ” . But a ” hey can I come visit” would be so good for my soul. But … silence. This is not a dig at anyone in my world. I am just writing the hard truth. It sucks on so many accounts.

I carried a little person for 9 months. I was aware of their existence inside me. Hanging out with me. Then POOF… I’m alone again. It’s a strange thing to try to explain.

Somedays I have all the drive.

Other days….

Other days I sleep away on the couch.

Gosh my kid the other day, we were shopping and I was looking at a shirt.

” Mom you should buy that “

me “ Yeah, but im not sure what size to get “

My kid ” don’t get the large, your belly will go away”

In that moment, i realized how aware he was of my feelings, my thoughts, everything. He listens. He understands. And he could not have been more supportive and positive in a moment i did not even know i needed it.

I raised him. He can drive me crazy on a good day, And i question my parenting style a million times a day, but in that moment… he reminded me that, I am doing ok. By him.

I am in that hard stage. 3 weeks PP. I go out in public looking … frumpy. Honestly, lol there is no better word. I look like hell most days. I feel like hell most days. My belly is loose as my skin does not know what the fuck to do or where to go. I am just slowly squeezing into hoodies and sweat pants. My leggings will be another few months. I wore alot of work out stuff prior. So everything was size SMALL. and TIGHT. I am not a size small right now. I am not tight. lol I wonder if this is the pregnancy that will offically destroy my body.

And for those who toss the glitter and butterflies : yes i know my body is amazing and it carried babies. Yadda yadda… I don’t want to hear that right now. I want to let my emotions feel my frumpy PP body. I am allowed to go through all the steps to get to my happy place. So toss your glitter somewhere else. 🙂 This lady ain’t buying it. I know my uterus is not even back to its normal size yet. I just need a minute to be in my ” ugh my body” stage.

I am at that wait stage. Feeling ok ( no pain ) but can not work out yet. I just have to ride out the next few weeks. Because my body is still healing on the inside after some major surgery. Also.. still not allowed to do anything but walk on my foot after that fun day of falling down the stiars. #clutz.

I have to re-enter the work life soon too. I am not ready for that yet. Hell my floors have not been moped in WEEKS. gross.. i know. I have been playing catch up on life, and trying to jump ahead on things … like FML Christmas is around the corner. The thought of pulling out all that shit, exhausts me. Yet … it could be good for me. Something to focus on. dive into.

I also have been trying to avoid what the doctor said to me, while I was still open on the table from my C-section.
” no more babies unless for yourself

I am still not sure how to process this.

I am still not sure if she made this comment because of my own health will be at risk… because no one talked about it after. They said my scaring was more from the previous c-section so it took them a bit longer, and they took their time. ( but it was planned and allowed for the time ).

She told me this while I was still open on the table. Not the right time to process a sentence like that. To have the ability to ask questions about the comment. To understand why a comment like that was said. What would be the risks? why is it ok to carry for myself ? Was it a dig at surrogacy? I am not sure if I will ever know these answers. I guess in a years time, I can request a exam and see how things are . How my scaring is, how my uterus is, how everything healed. SO I guess for the next year, I am in limbo. I guess I can not fully process if this was my last journey. Will I complete another one? When do I mourn the fact that this is it for me? I have had 3 pregnancies. 2 ended in C-section. Maybe that is enough.

I guess… I hold some of these feelings a little longer. ( shoves them in my back pocket )

insert :” gee Courtney, I wonder why you cant shake the extra belly flab … AS YOU CURSH A BOX OF GIRL GUIDE COOKIES. ” – That’s happening right now.

I am trying to stop my milk from coming in. I can push it to about 10 hours till my boobs are screaming at me. I only pump for 10 minutes to get that nagging feeling to leave. But i am ready to just be done. I am donating everything I have pumped since Baby S left, but it sucks sitting here pumping… you sit in your own thoughts. Blah.

I must be comping off really whiney. Sorry about that. Again, I warned you the next blog post would be all emotions. Emotions are high. It happens.

But I do have people to thank. Some people have been critical in my journey.

My clients. Past and present. For being so supportive and arranging your life, for the millions of apts I had to attend.

My first set of IPS. Gosh. I could complain to them , celebrate with them , reach out to them when I needed them. Because, they knew how I was feeling. They knew what was coming. They just … understood with out having to say a word. I am so grateful for them.

My husband . For dealing with me. Even on the worst of days. Pregnancy is not always rainbows. Its sickness, pain, complaining, exhaustion, tears.

My friend Jannah. For even though you live no where near me. I can still snap chat you and complain about life. or my lack of life. lol

Crystal. My morning calls is sometimes the only connection to the outside world. Sometimes you are the only person I talk to all day. You are like a round red blow up life saving device you toss into the water… lol Even for a few minutes. It recharges me.

Fellow surrogates. for allowing me to have my ” WTF is this SHIT” moments. When you are just taken back by something happening in your journey, and you need to share it with people who likely have the similar experience … and get it. Sometimes I needed someone to just validate my feelings, or laugh about it with me, because it was so ridiculous. Those who cheered me on, encouraged me, friended me. I am thankful for you all. You are all amazing women for what you do so selfishly.

My son. My son for always caring. For asking me how I am, at least once a day. For opening doors for me, shutting my doors, filling my water bottles, heating my tea, asking me if i need my back rubbed. Asking how the baby is. Telling me I won’t be big forever. lol Just being aware of me being pregnant.

My Doula for being there in 2 big moments of this journey. The one where I had to choose on how this would all play out. And for being there by my side in the operating room. The calm she showers you with, is everything in those big moments. Surgery is scary, and can still be scary in the most magical of moments. Not everyone holds little barf cups while you are strapped to a bed being cut open. 😉

My aunt. For showing up for me after. For taking me home. For driving from out of town to do this. For being there when I had no one else. For always being there.

For my sister. For showing up the day I arrived home. So I was not alone. For leaving work for me. For not letting me sit in silence, by myself.

To our friends Steve & carrie. You made my stay in the hospital stress free. Knowing my son was cared for, and had the BEST TIME EVER, really made things that much easier . Thanks for being the best part of our hockey family . My son adores you , as do we.

To my readers. For actually wanting to read what I write. lol For messaging me telling me you love following my journey, that my feelings are valid when certain things happen, and that you wish us all well. ❤

To the Dad’s.

I have personally thanked you. But it will never be enough. You trusted me with your most precious life. for 9 months you trusted me to do right by you and your baby. To bring her safely into this world. to care for her, even though, she was not mine.

You choose me. You trusted me. That means the world to me. Thank you for allowing me to have a whole day with your daughter before you left. To spend time with her. hold her. talk to her. For sharing your time as a new family with me while you were here. Trusting me to trim her little finger nails. lol I hope our relationship grows over time. I hope to watch her grow, and you both grow as fathers. I hope to hug you all soon.

To Baby S.

You are loved. You are loved in a way that is hard to explain. You are not mine. But a peice of you will always be in my heart. You will now, hold a special place in my heart. Always and forever. There is something special about surrogate babies. Especially those who are born on your birthday ❤

Dear Egg Donor

This post goes out to someone special.

Dear Egg Donor:

We do not know each other.

We never will meet.

Yet you had a impact on my life in a big way.

I do not know your name. Where you live. What you do for a living. I don’t know if you have children of your own, or if you are married.

Maybe you love singing in the shower and can recite word for word your favorite Friends quotes from TV ( I mean come on, who CAN’T ?! ) Maybe you enjoy sipping fancy coffee, with the sun in your hair by the ocean or maybe you have road rage and curse like a sailor when someone cuts you off. We are all human. It happens. 🙂

But what I do know,

Is that you are an amazing person.

Why?

You are the reason, a same sex couple was able to have a baby.

You donated your eggs.

You did that. You took the time out of your busy life and went for testing, blood work, medications, injections and then the big day of egg retrieval . I hear its no walk in the park. But you did it. For someone you will never know. You gave the biggest gift anyone can give. You gave the gift of life. I wish there was a bigger word than ” amazing” I can call you.

Egg donation fascinates me. You are donating a little piece of YOU. for someone else.

This is something I do not think I would be strong enough to do. Its nothing like surrogacy. I would be the crazy lady wanting to know if I had a little person with my genetics … just… walk around in the world. And the amazing part .. ANYWHERE in the world. Maybe Australia, maybe France, maybe Canada…. the list is ENDLESS.

You can not be anything less than amazing for doing that , for a stranger. For their happiness. For their dreams.

Surrogates get a lot of attention. We are visibly pregnant with someone else’s baby. Sure not everyone is on board, and to each their own. But we get to interact with the parents to be, go on this amazing journey with them ( or that’s the plan in most cases) we get to birth this little person, watch people BECOME parents in that very moment. And you are off, just living your life, no idea that TODAY, THIS VERY moment… created life.

For that. You are amazing.

We did this amazing thing together.

Yet we will never cross paths. Bump into each other. Even go for tea and gush over this beautiful life we helped create. Its crazy in a way. To think about that.

2 strangers, you and I helped create a child for a couple. And we don’t know each other.
*MIND BLOWN*

I like to think, if I got to know who you are, we would forever be in contact. No matter how different our lives were, we would have this bond. That is crazy and wild and ….just… amazing. That we would meet one day for coffee, and you would tell me how your life ended you up at wanting to donate your eggs, and I would gush over how I fell into surrogacy and tell you all about my amazing experience I have had.

The waiter would come up to our table, and ask if we were out for a special occasion ..

“No, we are just catching up. She was the surrogate who carried my egg for a same sex couple who now live in another country. “

And then watch as the waiter tries to wrap their head around that sentence for a second.

Life is crazy and beautiful. What 2 strangers can accomplish together. Life amazes me.

I wonder if you know about the families you helped create. If you get notified that one of your eggs was successful and 1 baby was born via your donation.

I wonder how many times you have given such a selfish act. If you tell your friends, and share this amazing side of you to the world. Or if you silently do it.

You gave this gift with the ability to be anonyms. You are like a silent partner . You backed this project by your egg donation. lol Which is hilarious to think of it that way.

Egg donor, If you ever wondered about the life you created, I want you to know this:

You gave 2 people the biggest gift of their life. They gush over their little girl like no other. They loved her the second they seen her. They are in awe of her. Even I have love for this little girl, and she is not mine. She is beautiful. her eyes are beautiful. She is quiet. Curious. And so loved. She is going to live an amazing life, because of you.

I hope you wake with a smile everyday, knowing how much you changed not only their life, but mine as well. I hope you continue being this amazing person and smile back on this gift you gave. I hope when you have a bad day, you are reminded of how powerful you are and YOU can single handedly change the world. Because, you already have. I hope this life blesses you with all it has to offer, because you deserve it.

Much love, The Stork who carried part of your creation. ❤

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Photo credit to : Lindsay Foster Photography

Thanks for following along. Thanks for reading, commenting, reaching out to me. Remember you can follow me on IG. JUST THE STORK

Much love, Court the Stork. ❤

It’s been 2 weeks…

It’s been 2 weeks, and some things have happened.

I gave birth. A beautiful baby girl was born.

Are you ready to read up on my last 2 weeks?

Here we go…..

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Wednesday October 16th , we get a call, to go to the hospital, for potential induction. Foley bulb. I have never had one. But my cervix has been shut down and locked up tighter than a drum and was in no mood to let a baby out. Even though I was over due.

Officially 41 weeks. Which sure, is still normal. But when its not your baby, you just kinda wanna give the kiddo over to their parents after a certain amount of time. #Truth.

So off we go. The call comes in early evening. ( I was so ready to get in my PJS and call it a night. ) I get hooked up to the stress test again, Baby is active of hell. not shocking at all. I have a cervix check…. Doctor says I’m too high, hard and tight, a Foley would never even be able to be inserted.

SO . Now we have to talk options. my stress level goes up.

My last journey, I did not make it even to 1cm. My water did break, but yet again, dilation was not happening AT ALL. So it was a C-section for safety of baby. This was something I wanted to avoid. The rush of a C-section. I rather things be calm, compared to emergency situation. No thanks.

SO, I was told I would no doubt be given oxytocin. Which , with being a VBAC attempt, doubles my changes of uterine rupture. Ah….no thank you . I know the risk still has a lower rate, but lets be real, I do not have the BEST track record for my body wanting to exit babies. I do not need to do anything to create more stress on my body or this baby.

This worries me. I feel pressured. My Doula comes. Thank GAWD for this women. She is the most calmest person. She just lays things out on the line. She helps me choose. Knowing my past birthing experience. She just let me talk out loud. To hear my self say what I think I already knew. Which I am grateful for. She knows how to direct people. I choose planned C-section. We are IVF, we are over due and my body is not ready to exit this baby at all. I did not want to jump start my body and have complications come from this. This was my safest choice and I have come to terms with this.

So we plan for a planned C-section. For Friday October 18th. Because I do not see much changing, and my body is really good at baking the babies, I just suck at releasing them apparently .

Guys. That is MY birthday. I will be 41 weeks 2 days when baby arrives earth side.

Turning the big 38!

So fast forward to the early hours of the 18th. OF COURSE contractions start. from 2-6am. about 7 min apart. Then they of course go completely all over the place when we arrive at the hospital. So I get all the low down on meeting everyone, waiting, I am first in line. Had to show up at 6 :30am.

Got into the room a little bit after 8am.

Spinal’s. how weird are they?! You have 30 seconds to turn around , lay down and get into position on the table before all feeling goes out the window. lol SO of course, the last feeling in my legs is bent, so the WHOLE surgery, I felt like my legs were bent. STRANGEST EVER.

So the surgery went a little longer than planned. (excess Scarring from last surgery) Baby was born at 9:31 AM

Guys… she was in hurry to help her self out of my belly. My Doula video taped the birth on her cell, and you can hear a nurse saying ” omg she is jumping out ”

I have been saying she was gonna jump out. I did not think she would literally do this. HA

So on top of me now officially sharing my birthday with a surrogate baby… I know… how amazing is that?!

This little girl was not so little. She is officially the biggest baby I have carried. I am not sure how she was SO active in my belly…. but she was 8.9 lbs and 55 cm long! HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?! She was grooving in my belly like she had ALL THE SPACE. But the reality is, there is no way she did!

Before I was closed up, the surgeon peeks over the tarp. ( Oh by the way , I totally got to watch her be born, they let me watch! AMAZING!!! ) she goes ” ah, I would advise no more babies, unless for yourself. There was a lot of scaring”

Ummm…. lets over analyze this comment.

What the hell does that mean? ” unless for yourself” Like is that a dig at surrogacy? Is that for ” put your life a little more at risk only for your own children” ? I am not even sure how to process that info, while I was STILL open on the table. How about we wait to drop a bomb like that on a surrogate when , oh I dunno…. when she is not on a table still waiting to be closed up?!

I am little flustered by that. I still have not even processed that. I even spoke to my midwife about it and she heard it to, and was not sure how to process it. SO… I am not even sure what this means for my future…. ZERO idea. But I know I will have to process it eventually.

Also they ask you when they are done if it’s ok to stick pills up your pooper. Such a weird thing to be asked. Who says no? I can’t feel it, but you know, sorry for the hot mess of not taking care of myself for the last 3 months because … I have not seen my back side or my lady bits in months. If I can not see it, it does not exist. Sorry.

Then …….yellow coloured stuff comes outta your pooper 2 days later. FUN.

I told my doula that I wanted to save my placenta.

What?

gross?

not really . I am not eating it! ( but you know , if you do that kinda thing… that’s cool…. you do you. lol ) But I wanted to save it to make a placenta print like my first journey. It looks like a tree when you do this. It’s kinda pretty. And no its not a blood print! it’s done with ink. So my Doula tells them ” she wants to save her placenta. Not to eat though. She wants you to know she does not want to eat it “ Amazing. lol

Look how long the cord is?! and the clamp is still on it!

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Also, I checked my incision. Not bad for 4 days PP . I was super nervous to look at this is section #2. I had no idea what to expect.

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Fast forward to finally getting out of the OR. I guess there was a code called while I was in the OR, and it freaked everyone out. Bad timing! Though this time, my blood pressure dropped and I wanted so bad to vomit! I was dry heaving. But once again, my Doula comes to my rescue, and with her calm-ass-self, tells me to breath, deep slow breaths… I finally felt like I was coming back to reality. What a shitty feeling. with your arms strapped out to a board, trying to vomit, while barely holding onto consciousness. NOPE. Yes I felt this was a safer option, but you ARE still going through major surgery. Any surgery is scary. So That is sitting in the front of my mind the entire time.

I got the privilege of hanging out with baby for a bit, till I was put back together and brought back to the recovery room. The dad’s waited for me. So I could give them their little girl.

This.

This means the world to me as a surrogate. The whole point to this journey, my last journey , is to hand their baby BACK to them. For them to meet their baby for the first time. To be a part of such a remarkable moment. A C-section kinda puts a damper on that. SO allowing me to keep her with me, for an extra 40 min – 1 hour knowing she is born, and still waiting…. means the world to me.

That moment watching them come in, and the pool of emotions that were left all over that room. Watching parents meet their baby for the first time, is breath taking. The instant love you get to witness, yet still having to tell them to pick their daughter up! HA I had the same thing happen with journey 1. I had to tell them to pick up their baby. Makes me smile thinking about it. Watching them look down at this fresh little face . A million emotions flow through their body. The thank you’s, kisses, hugs… they are always SO grateful to have you get them to this moment.

This. IS. The moment.

They waited till I had my room. This was a few hours at best. They were discharged long before I even had a room . This was amazing too. To share the first few hours with them. Its special.

They finally got their things ready, and were heading “home”. I was gearing up for 2 nights in hosptial. I knew what I was in for. I have been here before. HA

So a few things :

  • blood thinner needle. UMMMMM so they BURN. Thhey stab you in the back of the arm. then POOF fire in your arm! Did not like that. x2. I was not moving as fast as i was last time, and this helps with clotting. ( that’s a fun thought to go to sleep to. )
  • The first pee. After they remove your bladder bag. I actually have to think about it . My bladder takes a while to come back. I am still not fully aware of having to GO pee. NO I am not walking around pissing my self…. lol Just, i get crampy when I have a full bladder. This happened last time too. Took a few weeks for things to settle back to where they need to be.

My kiddo was so disgusted by me peeing in a bag. I feel like he will forever look at me with a little respect lost now. LMAO

  • Gas bubble. OH HAVE MERCY. After c-section… they are like little bombs moving around your insides, wanting to explode, but they don’t. they are just there to cause pain.
  • day 2 I had no heat in my room. Do you think anyone fixed it ? BHAHAHAH… no.
  • Oh and those fancy strong meds they give you after surgery so you can,…. function… I did not get. The night staff just gave me my own meds ( regular Tylenol and Advil and stool softeners) They come in with iron pills. I guess I cant be trusted with THOSE. When I was asked how my pain was I go :

” Im actually really sore… more sore than I feel like I should be”

Nurse ” your doing fine”

Ummm I did not realize we heal from compliments now. Thanks. But no thanks. So I thought maybe I was being a whiner. Maybe this is normal…. Till the discharge doctor comes in the next morning. Asking why I have not been given my hydromorphone pill to help manage the pain…

AH WHAT THE HELL. I KNEW IT! ( flips table. … ok in my MIND I flipped a table….._) I have been sitting here, in pain, trying to suck it up and I was supposed to be on the good meds at night?! Well I feel robed . The Doctor did not look impressed I was dealing with a C-section recovery on regular Tylenol alone after only 24 hours. She gave 5 of the good pills to go home with. Cause .. you know .. they are addictive.

So I Finally get home. Thanks to my Aunt and her beau. ❤ Though she looked mortified that they do not give you a wheel chair. You walk your own ass out of the hospital on floor 5. Once you are discharged its : BYYYEEEEEEEE FELICIA.

This healing process seems to be going slower than my last go. Maybe it was longer surgery time, maybe because now I am 38 years old, who knows. Our bodies are amazing and a mystery.

But I got out and voted on day 3 of being PP! I felt pretty good about that. Thank goodness there was ZERO lines. I looked like a puffy hot mess. But … whatever. It needed to be done.

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Day 4. Lets talk Shit.

FMl. That first shit. BRUTAL.

Hard little asshole bunny nuggets. My asshole cramped up tighter than my grandmothers lips…. but it happened. And here you are reading about it. You are welcome.

” The first shit is the hardest, baby I KNOW, the first poop is the smallest “ That’s all I think of. Sherly Crow. Oh that’s not how the song goes ? by bad.

Stool softeners, extra strength ex lax and an enema.

I pooped the next day. My arse is , at this point . ON FIRE. You can now likely fit a shoe up my ass for the size of shit that just came forcefully out of me. In a violent way. But its done. And it was worse than any child birth experience I have ever had in my life. I have finger bruise marks on my legs for holding on to dear life. Not even making that up.

No one can prep you for the first bowl movement . EVER . Its like you are re-training your insides to … do what they need to do but they are lazy AF. I will Likely have nightmares about this 20 years from now.

So my kid wanted to see the birth video. but ” nothing gross”

I told him , there was nothing really gross to see. So, he watched it. He is super curious. What does he take from the entire video of a baby being pulled from my belly?

why the length of the cord of course. Because in his 9 yr old brain, all he thinks he sees is the LONGEST PENIS EVER . That’s right. My kid thought her cord, was her penis.

Only my kid. This is what happens when you raise a diverse kiddo apparently. He was not fazed that she might have a penis.. no no… it was the LENGHTH of the penis that got his attention. LMAO

So I dunno what you do when you heal from a C-Section, but at 10 days pp I like to fall down the stairs and bust my foot up. Yup. Because healing from major surgery is not enough …. I like to really test my sanity. Now .. here I am with a damn air boot. FML.

Those little lines in my baby toe area, are breaks in my bone. So it kinda hurts. and now I have this gawd awful grey boot. AWESOME.

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My boot had to be covered for Halloween night because here… torrential down pour was taking place outside. Can’t get KAREN wet.

Yes. The boot has a name. and it’s KAREN. FUCKING KAREN. ( sorry to everyone named Karen)

I have been pumping away for baby while she is here. every 3 hours or so.

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This is me a few days after getting home. There is nothing glowing about the after effects of surrogacy. Depends. Breast Pump. Puffy … everything. Not showered. Pain meds. It’s real. It’s raw. It can be shitty.

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So here were are. 2 weeks later.

That new little family . Doing Amazing. She is beautiful and I apparently make babies for everyone else who just sleep like rocks. They leave to go home soon. Which will be a very emotional time for me. Once they leave, it beings a new chapter in life for me. One that leaves me a little lost , hormonal and not feeling like I fully belong. Its a weird feeling. Leaving the ” I’m a surrogate” role to going back to my every day routine . A piece of me goes missing and I have to rediscover myself. That will be a story I will write later. It will be messy for sure. So stay tuned. It will likely come within the next week or so. For some, surrogates jump back into another journey, or close the chapter for good and are 100% ok. They knew going into this, it was a one and done experience. For me… I was hoping for 1 more go at it. I will wait this process out for a while. ( I am talking well over a year ) And go from there after asking for an extensive check on my insides. For my own well being. My safety comes first . But the emotions that come after you create a family for someone else, and you spend a few weeks with them, loving on them as a whole, and then they leave …. leaves you feeling a little empty while hormones rage on. It takes a minute to adjust those emotions and having no one around you … understand. Thank goodness for friends who are surrogates who just get it. Thank goodness for surrogated who live in other provinces who you can just vent to …. and they get it. Thank goodness for a community of women who are amazing . But like I said, the messy story will come in a few weeks. Because you can not know just all the unicorn stages of surrogacy. You have to know the real raw stuff too. The stuff that makes us strong can just as easily break us. And that’s ok too. Because its reality. And I would not change a second of it.

Everything about it is beautiful. My journeys have been an experience I will cherish for the rest of my life.

Till next time,

Thanks for reading and sharing

#JustTheStork Court.

40 weeks VS Me.

Well, here we are.

Today we are officially 40 weeks +1 day.

We had an ultrasound yesterday, on our due date. And a Midwife apt.

Can you believe that this little girl was not moving for the tech?!

So our update is this:

No baby.  I know shocking… we are given a due date, and here were are, still waiting. lol

I even had my midwife, Teri, do a cervix check.

WHY. 

Like, I remember the sweep being a bitch when I had  one for my own son. ( still tramatized from that) But a cervix check can’t be that BAD…….. Pffffffftttt! 

So first things first, you know , it’s nice to get the warning, ” ok so the gel is cold, and I’m touching your inner thigh…..” 

Next thing you know, she is 2 fingers deep, touching things that just …. should not be touched. It never feels good. It’s actually really painful. You bleed after. Anything that creates any kind of spotting in the form of blood…. not ok.

I guess my cervix… or uterus or something of my bits… is tilted… I dunno, it’s hard to pay attentin to someone who is , scratching around your insides.

So zero softening of the cervix. zero dialtion. Zero sweep performed. My parts are on LOCK DOWN. 

Translation:

NO BABY. 

But hey, here I am at 39 weeks!

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Anyways,  the other day while shopping with my kiddo, he got me right in the feels, in the middle of the damn store.

Kiddo : ” Mom, do you know people die from child birth?”

Me: ” Who told you that?”

Kiddo: ” It was on tv.”

Me: ” yea, but that’s just the movies….”

 

( I know this is not true, but we are 2 days out from my due date at  this point, there is ZERO need to worry my kid this close to me heading to a hospital! Sure , a lie, but I mean, 1. he caught me off guard, and 2. Not freaking my kid out and giving him a panic attack when labour starts .. we can have this talk when we are not in the middle of a damn store! )

Kiddo: ” It happens in real life too”

Me:  Awkward pause….. damn it… he’s got me.

” Is this what you are  worried about?!”

Kiddo: “……………..yea.”

 

well. Shit. Hold back the tears.

 

Me: “Everything will be ok Buddy.” Insert big hug.

Seriously. Way to make me feel all the feels…. like come on kid…. I’m hormonal enough!

My kiddo is my biggest supporter. He is the kindest soul when it comes to helping people, understanding the things I do to help people.. but when he had Big worries like this…. as a mother, you just never think certain things effect your kid. Or even faze them.  I kinda want him at the birth, as long as everything is ok, so he can how Amazing this whole thing is.

So the next day, I go to shower. Guys…. my Fitbit logged my shower, as exercise! 

Well….. Thank you very much… I feel like a fat cow now. * takes Fitbit off and throws it away* Have I become THAT lazy?! I had to weight myself at the midwives.

 

162.2 lbs,

*cries into pillow* I did not weight this much with Baby M.

This weight is gonna be HELL to get off. Who’s idea was it to get prego at 37?!

I am 8 days away from turning 38!!! ugh.

I am swelling up like a balloon. Even my whoo haaaa swells up when I sit down on the toilet. WTF is that about?! Does it think it’s practicing for labour or something?! Come on. *eye roll*

 

So I was told to eat dates everyday. I guess they help your cervix, and 2nd stage of labour or something ….

They look like cockroaches.

Seriously.

Look at it?!

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Does THAT scream EAT ME to you?! Ah …. no.

 

 

I was also given the green light to pump.

So I have been. I have about 9 of these right now…. I do not pump more than 1-2 times a day. I am not ready for my nipples to fall off just yet from being cracked and destroyed with a pump. lol  But It is a good start to a stash for baby I think….

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Once Baby goes home, I will be pumping for a little bit longer, to wean myself off the pump, not be engorged and donate to a baby in need. Besides, I hear its good for weight loss……

I am somehow still making my way through each day, with no sleep. Today, I told a fly to stop.

Legit. It was buzzing around my head, pissing me off… I told it to stop like it was gonna listen to me. WTH. 

With being home, I get bored.

So I got crafty and made some socks.

 

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Made me laugh. But then again…. I am running on fumes.

So the last week, she has not gotten any quieter.

She is still rocking and rolling on the inside.

 

She is also still head down, but still laying to my right side of me. So still not fully into position yet.

So I guess we just wait and see when she wants to come, and my body wants to let her go.

I told the midwife, 41 weeks Is my limit. I understand 42 is cool for some, but Hell… it is not my baby.  I am looking forward to just …. healing, mentally preparing for the hormonal  shit show ride I will go through, and eventually my way back to my own life.

Being a surrogate is a huge blessing. A gift of a life time. But man, after the baby arrives, and the dust settles…. WOW.  Your ugly emotions come out to play havoc on your world sometimes. But , that’s a story for another day.

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So once again. We are here. Waiting. The Daddies are eagerly waiting to have their daughter arrive, and I am just as eager to hand her over! My time is done! They can now have the sleepless nights! HA 

Things that are not true.

Pumping brings on labour

eating dates softens your cervix

 

We are waiting for when our next apt is. Maybe do another cervix check. Not that I am looking forward to that at all…….

So with that being said, I hope the next post brings amazing news of a new family starting their journey!

Don’t forget to follow my IG! And.. send me all the good soft cervix vibes. They are appreciated!

 

Much love,

Court , the Stork.

 

 

 

 

 

 

38 weeks

Yesterday marked 38 weeks!

I had the weekly check- up with the midwife Tuesday.

FUN FACT :

I am not 100% my 2 midwives are even on the same page at this point.

Midwife 1 : Lets do a sweep at 38 weeks, ultrasound at 39 and get this baby out before the due date. ( or very shortly after with it being IVF and attempted VBAC )

Midwife 2 : We don’t need to discuss induction till after 41 weeks. Books ultrasound ON my due date. no talk of sweep.

 

I am over here like … WTH is even going on.

Are we doing a sweep? I am not holding onto this baby till 41+ weeks people. I am also not here to push the boundaries of a IVF pregnancy and attempting a VBAC.

My body likes to have prolonged labours. I am talking .. days. And I already made it clear to them that, if my body is not going through this, at a timely manner, then we are jumping into a calm, maintained c-section. No emergency situations please. No need.

  1. My son was going the opposite direction at birth. by day 3 they broke my water, and then cut me and suctioned his little head out.
  2.  Surro journey 1  my water broke, we hit our limit of safe time to have my water break, contractions had begun but my body… was NOT dialting past i think 2-3 cm after 2 days. And her little heart rate was dropping, so c-section it was.

Those are long days in the hospital trying to get a baby out, with no energy left in the tank. I have ZERO expectations with this birth. If she wants to come fast, great, If it has to be c-section as its the safest way, great. Whatever is in the best interst for baby and myself, i am game.

We have an apt next week, as the Daddies will be local. I hope to question some things then, and get a clear path as to what I WANT so there is no added stress to the situation. I would feel better with an early ultrasound. Check the fluid out, the placenta, see how baby is. OH and of course she is still NOT in position yet. Little gal is head down but still laying sideways, which will cause some issues if she does not get to where she needs to be.

I have to look into some spinning baby stuff. So Once Dad’s arrive, I will be doing all the things to try to get this little girl where she needs be to, and to have some major wishful thinking of doing all the things that will put me in natural labour.

Send me all your MUST do things to get baby out!

 

In other news. She is no longer a baby but … an alien.

Feel free to watch that in HD.

37 weeks, she was doing this for over an hour.

 

 

 

I can not express how often this happens. She was doing this at 2 am last night for over an hour. I swear she is just having a legit Karate session… Like she is planning to fight someone when she makes her GRAND entrance into the world.  I have more videos on my IG. feel free to peek at them!

 

So my Iron score went from 92 – 97 . so NO iron infusion for me. I am to just keep eating that little green pill  and trying to eat iron rich foods till she arrives. I am still low on the score board, but super close to 100. I guess that is close enough for them.

 

I tried to paint my nails last night.

Don’t do it.

It was one of the hardest tasks. And the mess. Oh the mess. I had a lot of clean up to do on my toes.

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So I have been fighting a cold for over a week. It was just a sore throat and congestion.. but yesterday I woke up feeling like a bag of smashed ……. you know how to finish that sentence.

I could barely keep my eyes open by 2:30 in the afternoon. They were on fire. watery. I was struggling at life. The coughing. OMG. It is so violent! and then the violent coughing turns into Braxton hicks cause my body is all like ” WHAT IS HAPPENING” and the baby is like ‘ COOL. its FIGHT TIME’ and starts going crazy.

I am allowed Sudafed , Tylenol ( what a joke) halls with out the chewy center. And that is all. Now I am an oil freak, so I have some oils diffusing, oils on me to help me breath, but getting 2-4 hours a sleep at night MAX is not helping. I AM DRAINED. 

 

I feel like I should not be expected, at 38 weeks , to do anything. Just finish growing this human, allowing her to get those last 2 weeks or chub on her cheeks.. and my job is done.

But toss a damn cold at me…. that’s just cruel at this stage. Especially for a human that is not even mine. Thanks germs. Thanks to whom ever was sick, that came near me and shared it. UGH.

 

Also, this was her last night. For a good 2 hours. Before I even GOT into bed this was going on. And may I add, a bit distracting while I was trying to watch my NEW FALL SHOWS! lol

 

Anyways, we are 38 weeks.

CFC/ Sacred Surrogacy send out these NEW birthing gowns in your 25 week box. Sadly , i got my box before these were released….. but, They sent me one anyways! ❤

 

So what do you do on a day off while still feeling like crap from a cold that is NEVER ENDING?

 

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This dress is easy to undo, light weight, stylish and I am looking  forward to wearing it…. before I get into my depends and sports bra and not care about WHO see’s me. lol

The water weight has starting to show. IN MY FACE.  

The swelling. The low feeling of baby in the belly…. where sometimes, you catch yourself walking around, holding the bottom of your belly, because… the baby might just fall out.

I mean, we all know that won’t happen, but it sure as hell feels like it!

My kiddo has started hockey. That means those lovely benches I get to sit on. Do you have any idea how terrible those are ?! I leave so cramped up and swollen. AND … this weekend, he has 2 hours on the ice. Who is excited?! NOT THIS MOM! lol Seriously. Need to locate those funl little travel cushions people get. The serious sports watcher chair  things. I need to be THAT person.

I am slowly losing all energy. No sleep, the cold, it has finally caught up to me.

I am ready to just relax, let her grow, then let her exit. Time to get on to the next adventure! ( hold tight, I will tell you eventually if you keep reading after baby is home in her new life)

I also should take a moment and talk about how amazing my kid is, while I am pregnant.

I never have to ask him to open a car door or close it. He just… does it. He is just always there, ready to help me.  He even took my sandal off my foot last night, because it got stuck. Just… did it. Kids are funny, We can tell him a million times to put his shoes away, put your water bottle in the fridge, clean the sink after you brush your teeth and left blue crap all over it….it never sinks in…

but when it comes to the things that REALLY matter… my kid is just awesome. Some days he will just look at me and go

” Mom, do you want me to make you a tea? “

” do you need anything?” 

Its moments like that , I think… I must be doing something right in this parent world I am in.

He is always asking how big the baby is.

If I say ” ouch” he will stop what he is doing and ask me if I am ok. He is so AWARE of me being pregnant, ( excluding house work stuff lol) I am in awe of him.

How are your kids when you are pregnant?

Well, That is all for now. I really wanna go crush some ice and enjoy a snow cone.. and by snow cone.. I mean bowl of shaved ice. lol

Remember to follow me on IG ( click below)

JUST THE STORK

 

I am always posting new photos, videos and keeping you updated on where we are !

TICK TOCK everyone!

Thanks for reading, and following!

Much love, Court The Stork

 

 

 

Home Stretch

Today I am 37 weeks. WHERE THE HELL has the time gone?!

I say that now, because, we are so close to the BIG day.

Yesterday was a fun day. Not only did it mark my 3 year wedding anniversary with my hubby, I also got to celebrate with sticking the Q-Tip up my ass.

Lucky me.

If you have no idea what I am talking about… let me tell you :

Group B streptococcus test. It is done by inserting a special Q-Tip into your lady bits then D R A G G I N G it along the trail to your BUTT and … BOOP.. into the bum it goes. Then they send it away to be tested. So I got to do that today. And yet, here I was thinking THEY do it.. no no… They have you this, and get you do the procedure on your own arse.

Do you have any idea how hard that was, with my sciatica kicking in?! Thanks for holding me up counter in the bathroom, because that was a rough go. Add in the gained weight, being front heavy and having to maneuver this Q-TIP from front to back. . .

Yea I dropped the lid.. what?! Then I looked at it.

awkward pause.

FUCK.

Well now I have to bend over and pick up the damn cap!

They also surprised me with more blood work. Testing out my awesome iron levels! #WatchMeFail I am the poster child to a Anemia.

Anyways…. I guess we will see what my numbers are at. I am not expecting anything shocking. But the next step will be iron transfusion. You know, so I don’t potentially bleed out if I end up with a C-Section. ( Thanks Midwife. I needed that thought process in my mind, this LATE into pregnancy. )

So anyways, the DADDIES arrive in LESS than 2 WEEKS!

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Here is the last few weeks of the bump in grow mode.

I stepped on a scale yesterday. 152.3 lbs.

I have racked up a good 40 lbs. FML That is a lot. I know I have a little extra on my boobs, my ASS and in my belly that is not baby. I look forward to seeing what my after weight is. Then figuring out just how much I need to bust my ass to feel like myself again. Weeeeeeee.

So my dogs are obsessed with bump.

Or they think I now just walk around with a pillow designed just for them ……

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That is until she kicks them off. This girlie likes her space in womb. Any form of pressure, she has none of it.

Now I also went to see what this little Drama bean looks like.

I went at 34 weeks, a bit late for this kind of ultrasound, but we still got to see her.

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Yea. she smiled. It was pretty cool to see. And its on video.

So little miss has been pretty active since I started feeling her move.

This was here last week. Just rocking at life, making it known she has all the room required in my womb! She is a little dancing queen! Officially the most active baby I carried yet.

Its funny, FB gave me a look back video, 9 years ago when I was pregnant with my own son. To think ,… I thought he moved a lot… HAHAHAHA . NOT. EVEN. CLOSE.

My almost 9 yr old son went to touch the belly last night, as she was bumping around, his hand came towards my belly, she jumped from one side to the other, he jumped backed and goes ” WHOA! “ …. shocked. It was a little dramatic on her part, why she felt the need to go from the right side, to the left, so forcefully .. in that moment…. but that is true Drama Bean fashion. lol Needless to say, he did not go back for a attempt number 2. No need to touch the bump. Just watch the bump. lol

I actually feel smaller with this baby then I did with the last one. Though clothing has already started to become an issue. Its too late to buy, but the belly has started to drop… so shirts are not covering the bottom of the belly…. and its hell-a cool in the mornings here… so I am officially alternating between the same items.

I felt I should start that belly casting thing….

Just incase someone wanted to come early… I wanted to have this at least casted. The sanding and painting can happen anytime.

I did it by myself. I think I did pretty good. lol I made one hell of a mess in my kitchen, but … mission complete.

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I also was looking for a charm that tied in this journey.

Last journey, when we were confirmed pregnant, the daddies were so sweet and send me a special little gift. The acorn necklace. Baby from Journey 1 was always named ” baby acorn” So since this little bean has been referred to as ” baby Drama Bean” I figured a coffee bean needed to be added. I found a sweet little ETSY store, they sell them in brown, I just glazed it over with some silver paint till I can find a actual coffee bean charm! But for now, this will do just fine 🙂

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Swelling , peeing, sciatica, exhaustion.. is in full bloom. 3 weeks. 3 weeks till my due date.

Who knows how many days, weeks till she actually chooses to come. I just need her to hold off till Daddies arrive.

Today I will be off to the Chiro, as I am dragging my left leg around like its dead weight. The cramp and pinced nerve down my leg… needs to go this late in pregnancy. No need for it. Thankfully, my chiro lives just a few minutes down the road.

I can not believe this journey is almost over. Soon 2 parents will meet their little girl. Soon a couple will become a family. Soon a new journey will start for 2 Dad’s. An adventure I hope is full of love, life and awe. I hope to be able to watch this little grow up , like I have the privilege of watching Baby acorn. I am , still to this day, so grateful to be that little girls God- Mother. To have the relationship I do with her and her Daddies.

To think, Come December… she will be 2 years old!!

After this, I might be taking a step back from Surrogacy. I will be 38 shortly after Baby Drama Bean is born. I need some one on one time with my own body for a while. Re-discover who I am, what I want to do for me, and go from there. Either way, If one more journey is in my future, it will not be happening in the next year. I waited 13 months from Birth of Baby acorn to Transfer of Baby Drama Bean embryo. It was a good time span, and hopefully what my body needed. I was in no need to rush my own body healing process.

Daddies from Journey 1 are sitting on some frozen babies. ( haha) I am holding out to find out if they will be going forward in wanting a sibling. ( hopefully this birth goes smooth of course! ) And if they do, and I can carry Baby Acorn’s sibling, then that is where I will retire my surrogacy journey. If they choose, one and done ( which i also understand. I was a one and done too with my own kiddo lol) I will have to really think if a 3rd journey is something that is in the books for me nearing 40 yrs old. ( gawd that sounds SO OLD! )

If you have ever considered surrogacy, I highly encourage you to reach out.

This experience has been the most amazing thing in my life.

Sure pregnancy in itself can SUCK.

But lets be real: it does not take that much time out of our life. To give the gift of a life to someone who’s only wish, is to be a parent. It’s breath taking, what you can give to someone.

Well, I will leave you with that for now.

I am awaiting the Chiro apt, the midwife to call and 2 soon to be Daddies to arrive. I will keep you all updated as time goes on. Don’t forget to follow along on my IG for more updated photos! ❤

Much love,

Just the stork ❤

Bump, tests & waiting

Summer is coming to an end. This saddens me.

I am not ready to give up long days, sunshine, heat and no real routine. September brings school routine, driving my kiddo to and from school, before 7 am, and hockey. Oh hockey. It sucks your weekends away for a good 6 months. We see no one from October – April. Our lives are sleep, eat, hockey . I will be happy to not be doing this pregnant. For the most part. HA 

 

So what has been going on in my life you ask?

Since I went for glucose test 1 at my midwives… my tests came back elevated. Of course they did. They always do. My body hates me and forces me to do the 2 hour one. Every. Single. TIme. Also note the low hemoglobin… always. My life. A walking iron deficient human.

No I do not crave paint chips.

Just… Ice chips.

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So needless to say, I am stuck on those stupid little green iron pills every morning with a glass of OJ.  Ugh. I can’t poop on them. Ever.

Fun times.

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So I had to clearly go for the 2 hour test.  The one where you show up at LifeLabs. You have to fast for 12 hours prior. Go, get blood drawn. Drink the orange drink. Wait an hour. Get more blood drawn. Go back sitting for another hour. Then get a final blood draw. All while sitting in these hard plastic chairs, your guts rumbling and screaming at you out of hunger watching people come, and go, come and go.

I felt awful all day. Just blah. Sugar rush much?! My body is not a fan of this test. I think next time I go for the 1 hour test, I will just fast and hope it helps. Avoid the whole 2 hour thing all together. Ps. im fine. I do not have gestational diabetes.

I think I last left you when I was 25 weeks….

So her are a few updates ….

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So we went to this sweet little beach space that’s newish to us in our town. Its clean. Its lovely. Anyways… this bathing suit and the purple one above… yea, I have outgrown already. Medium maternity swim wear. Belly got too big. WTH.  

Also, I saved a turtle . This is important. You needed to know.

Love the wind-blown hair .

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So anyways, I was being an over achiever and went for a hike. Up a cliff. At Bon Echo. If you are in Ontario, you likely have been. It’s a beautiful spot. It holds a very big meaning to my family. We lost a very young soul here, years ago. So my goal, was to find the little spot where family had left a little memorial, and find his cliff jumping spot.

Ps. the spot he so wildly jumped ( out of pure fun, because he was in his early 20s, loved life and was living his best life that day ) is breath-taking. The view is amazing. I just sat there. But lemme tell ya, getting up there, not easy. SO MANY STAIRS. oh WTH. I might have lost 2 pounds just climbing the stairs that day.  Clearly my kid was power walking up them like it was nothing. I was holding him back. My bad. HA

This was only some of the stairs. Come on ppl… it’s almost 2020.. where is my elevator?!

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So, we did that. It was good for my soul. And my ass . HA

 

We learned at the last midwife apt that baby is transverse. Which in normal people talk, that means sideways. her head is sitting to the right, and her butt to the left. Across my belly, Enjoying life. This is not easy. Its kinda painful when she stretches and kicks the crap out of me a million times a day. She has not settled down one bit. She is go-go go all day and night.

 

This is her busy bumping around this week. at 31 weeks. This is ALL the time.

 

So, as long as she flips, and all is well, the goal is a VBAC. I do not want to have another C-section. Those suck coming back from. The healing process, getting up and down, the lack of ‘ zero stomach muscles’ is fun to experience. Since they cut through them. No biggie. Women need to get more credit for c-section births. Those are rough. Its major surgery. I think some ppl think it’s just a little cut and pull a human outta ya. It’s so much more. Like shit gets taken out of you and put back in! WTH #SuperHeros much?!

Anyways. Hopefully this little Drama bean finds her way head down sooner than later.

I look silly crawling around my house trying to get her to flip.

Now since I passed the 25 wk mark, CFC sends you a little milestone box.

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Cute right?! Thats right. 2 PP pads. Ps. . . If you have never tried cloth pads. DO it. You lady bits will be thankful. It’s like a little cloud they get to cozy up to. Soft. kind. fun designs. They get to ride your granny panties in style! WEEeeeeEEEEe!! 

I also love the belly bind. I look forward to belly binding after birth. Get all the stuff back in place and tight!

It’s a sweet little box. And then makes you think about the birth. I have not. I just know the goal is VBAC. Whatever comes .. comes. Birthing tub, gas, numb my bottom half, I am going with the flow this go. No expectations. Just accept it how my body wants to go about it.

You do you uterus. I will support you.

Now come meet my addictions.

OH MY GOODNESS….. What could those be?!

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FRITTERS!!!!! the size of my HAND!!!! GET IN MY BELLY! GO STRAIGHT TO MY ASS!!!! 

YES PLEASE!!!! 

So happy to have found this. Thanks to great friends who randomly bring you treats on game nights! OMG.

Then we do a random trip to IKEA. We stop by to see family. What is my cousin doing?.. why she is getting my kiddo and her kiddos snow cones.

WHAT. CRUSHED ICE?! ummmm yes I need one.

I ordered one-off Amazon, while she was making me a snow cone too. HA

She gets me. She was recently preggo too. Low iron likes to create ice cravings.

Just now, I will not break my teeth chewing it!!! #Winning

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OMG just thinking about it makes my mouth water.

Ps. My dogs love the bump. I kick off a little extra heat these days, so Winston here is loving it right now. As is Baxter.

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So the goal was to get some maternity photos done. Before I swelled up in the summer heat. Before the water weight started to attach my face. Before whale stage began.

28 weeks was a good point for me. Little belly, face is not blown up.

Jillian Lorraine Photography    Check her out. I have used her 2 times now. I am in love with my session.  You can also follow her on IG too.

She is one of those photographers, who just shows up with a smile on her face, and makes you feel like you have been friends since high school. She is that lovely to be around.  It’s not easy to make pregnant women feel like they are sexy, stunning and beautiful. But she achieved it. And I am thankful. I just now have to find new reasons to book photos with her! Ha

I have been lucky to be surrounded by amazing friends and photographers over the years. They all have their own style, and I love them each for what they do. I love bouncing between them and giving my business to them.

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The white dress and water images are my fav. Oh the dresses? yea both came from Amazon. #KeepingCostsLow HA

 

Since then , a few more weekly bump pics have happened …..

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I have chosen to just let the belly out for the rest of the summer. It’s too hot to cover up. It’s as white as a ghost. It needs some colour. #NoCares

The sleepless nights are kicking in strong, the Charlie horses , I swear are around the corner. I have learned to just .. not stretch my legs. but this morning, i was 1 wrong move away from one attacking. Hot pack it was. My leg muscles was like ” do it… just over stretch just one mm……” NOT TODAY Charlie! NOT TODAY! 

Man they suck.

And my belly feels like it’s already started to do that .. hang thing. so I bought some K tape. They now have some that are easy to remove! So you know, your are not taking a layer of skin off , in the shower, in tears.

So I applied some today . Downfall.. not as much support as the regular K tape. I might need to go get the kind that makes me cry. I guess it’s a pick your battles kind of thing.

It’s crazy to think this journey is nearly over. Before I know it, the Dads will arrive and we will all be awaiting for the big day!

I have hired a birth photographer. And the Dads have hired the new-born photographer. Both, extremely special moments. The photos on both accounts will be cherished for life.

Well, I can’t say there is anything crazy exciting to report. But in the coming weeks, I am sure there will be some things. Likely another ultrasound to check out the placenta, and how fluid levels are nearing the end, if baby actually flips, .. oooo my next apt with the midwives is the q-tip apt. Yea you know what I mean. The one that goes up your pooper. ugh. I can’t remember if they do it, or I am supposed to reach around and attempt it myself. To be a fly on the wall that day! HA

“Courtney, why do you have a bruise on your head?”

….” I stuck a q-tip up my ass. Don’t ask” 

That’s exactly how that story will go, if I am expected to do it.

These are moments I have blocked out from every birth. I legit can not remember.

It will be an awkward ” yea. I am a hairy monster. Sorry” . #NotSorry

Or ” I have fallen and i can’t get up ” moment. ( or pulled a muscle. ) 

Either way, it’s not good.

Well, Till next time.

Thank’s for reading along. Following.

Catch me on IG for more updates. And feel free to share my blog if you are at all humoured.

 

Much love,

Court #JustTheStork

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International family, 2nd trimester & stuff

Well, what can I say?!

My little baby Acorn & her Daddies visited for nearly 2 weeks.

My heart….so full. ❤

Seriously. She is 18 months now!! It is crazy to think our journey together began in the fall of 2016!

Our first Intoduction email was sent 10-12-2016

If you would have told me how much surrogacy would impact my life, I might not have believed you.

The weather was pretty decent while they were here. They even got to share in our Pride 🏳️‍🌈 day & Father’s Day!

We had coffee, visited the Big Apple, the zoo, walked the town, played at splash pads & parks & just overall enjoyed our time together.

My cup is over flowing with memories.

We even did a photoshoot with them. To update our photos together. I even got a few of just my hubby and kiddo too. ❤

Jillian Lorraine photography

* check out her IG *

https://instagram.com/jillianlorrainephotography?igshid=zgyqxsnk3klb

is lovely to work with. Her kind nature, ease, and smile makes you super comfortable. Thou, I’m pretty relaxed anyways….it just made the whole experience flow. If you are in the Kingston area, I highly recommend her.

She was beyond invested in us. Caring. Asking questions. She made you feel like your story matters. Your family is amazing. You are beautiful. Even if you look like a zombie . 🙊

I just booked her for maternity. In a few weeks, because ..who the hell wants to be a hippo in photos holding water weight like it’s your job?! ….not this girl.

F THAT.

Hey! Look at my handsome kiddo! 👇

Surrogacy has made my world a little brighter. Has added in more love. Has given me more family. My experience has been breath taking.

Now, currently I am on journey 2. 25 weeks!

This pregnancy has been a little more difficult. Every symptom possible. I’m still dragging my ass around. I’m up 6+ times a night ….peeing. I sleep on the couch because, why wake up my husband every night? 2 cranky dinks in 1 house ….hard nope.

Ha

I’m so thirsty. For cold water. Like…can not get enough. Then…I pee every 10 minutes. So F’ing annoying. But I CRAVE IT!!!!

I can feel the leg cramps just waiting to attack. I dont even stretch when I wake. I know the second I do, I’ll be screaming in pain from a rock hard calf, and limping for a weeks straight. Dizzy spells. They are fun. It happened with journey 1. Headaches. Still hanging on strong. And …TMI ….. my lady bits are like….forever swollen. ( I warned you. )

My husband ( bless him ) asks how my ‘puffin rocks ‘ are doing. Yea. He nicknamed my swollen va Jay Jay. Thanks. I appreciate it. And .. I dribble. All day. Pelvic floor destroyed ATM .

I just pee. Standing in line ? Dribble. Stand up? Yea I dribbled. Having coffee with you ? I likely dribbled at some point.

oh you wanna know if I took a 💩 lately? Nope. I just dont anymore. It’s just not part of my body functions anymore.My body no longer belongs to me.

And this girl inside, growing at the speed of light ….yea she kicks the living crap outta me. I mean, exciting ? You bet. At 3am….not so much. If I sit…she moves.

The other day I was in a local Bell store. Waiting. A lady was ahead of me. She is next . She looks at me, my belly ” oh you can go “Well that was sweet. But …stubborn me blurts out ‘ I’m just pregnant , not incapable. ” with a smile.Which, in all honesty is how I feel about pregnancy. I mean sure my feet hurt, my back hurts, I may have to pee …or already have Haha, but I can stand in line. Wait my turn. Pregnancy is not a medical condition. It’s just…. pregnancy. I can wait for my turn.Thou, turns out after chatting with her ….her friend is a 2 time surrogate.

Go figure!

The guy at the desk giggled when I told her I was capable. He mentioned that his wife was the same way.

I mowed the lawn. I garden. I work full time. I clean my house. I’m a mom. Shit needs to get done. Pregnency wont stop it. Unless….bedrest.which I hope to forever avoid. I would go bat shit crazy.

Now dont get me wrong, if there is an expectant mothers parking space…I’ll go for it. I dont wanna walk from the back of the parking lot , randoming tinkling…lol And if you are a dude. With no pregnant wife…. your gonna get talked to by me. Lol it wouldn’t be the first time. Lol

I got crafty the other day. Made myself a cute purse! Next up, some more shirts !

I got myself a heat press. ( finally !!!)

Midwife apt.

Blood pressure, baby check…. and out.

All is well.

Belly is measuring 26wks, which is normal. 💁‍♀️

Baby kicked while being poked. ( I would do the same )

All is well up to date!

Baby brain is in full swing. Maybe baby brain isn’t the right wording…. pregnancy ridiculousness…….?

We went out for dinner.

Waitress ” what would you like to drink?”

Me ” Pepsi or coke product ?”

Waitress ” Pepsi ”

Me ” coke”

My husband busted a gut laughing. 🙄 so I wasn’t listening. 💁‍♀️

Last night, I went to get ice cubes for my water…. stuck my thumb in to get one out….the damn thing EXPLODED in my EYE . Why? Cause I recently filled it up and forgot I did. Then just a layer of thin ice froze onto it, but not the complete thing.

Fucking torpedo in MY EYE. Fml.

I dunno how I’m functioning. The amount of stupid shit I am doing, that is just…well there is just no thought process at all to my brain right now.

Watch me put on underwear in the morning…. fml. What a joke.

Or fighting to get into shirts.

Getting in the car and out is already humorous 🤨.

Pants…can not get out of them fast enough at night. If it wasn’t for no curtains on my back door….I’d walk around half naked and avoid clothing all together. I’m only 25 weeks. I’m not sure how I’m going to feel about pants come mid July 😐

I’m a slip and slide playground ( that sounded dirty…..) after a shower. I am lubed up in belly cream . I can’t put clothing on right after or it will stick to me. If I’m ever to get stretch Mark’s….this might be the pregnancy. Even my boobs are bigger this go. And heavy. I dunno how you ladies walk around with big boobs. It’s a job all on it’s own. I’m terrified of stretch Mark’s. I dunno why. I guess I have no real reason for it…I just …don’t want them 💁‍♀️.

Baby has started to really bounce around now too. She is go go go even in the middle of the night.

Here, watch my belly jump. Fun times. It’s only gonna get stronger! Lol

Well, now that I have updated you. Next month brings the glucose test, vaccination, maternity photos ….I’ll update you in a few weeks once everything is under way!

As always, much love. Thanks for following, sharing! Don’t forget to follow me on Insta !